gently fall back and simultaneously begin to move your arms and your legs up and down in a jumping jack motion.

i would not call myself a super christmas choral type of girl.

yes, there are totally times when i am driving and put my volume as high as it will go and pump my fist with such gusto that one would think that the passion thats flows out of me is nothing of this earth - but that's just a girl enjoying a jam. i am totally aware that there is other music filling the earth at this holiday season and i find myself straying often from the musical festivities.

.but.

i wanted to share this tasty holiday treat with you. i am totally a song repeater. when i find one that speaks to my heart i have to hear it again and again. i have been known to repeat one song for weeks. this is a song that has been gently humming through my apartment for the last few days.



i have a winter theory that i think i began developing while i was scraping my car windows for 10 minutes and needed defrosting for the next 30.

i think that someone needs to stand up and say "there must be a national winter enjoyment day for those who have to deal with it's elements." i think that if the dealings we have with the winter is fighting it's elements then of course we are going to hate winter and grow bitter towards it. what if one day each year we had to make a snow angel in the fresh snow. what if it was mandatory to build a snow fort so you could have a place of protection when our wicked snowball fight started. and at the end of the day it was strongly recommended that you walk hand in hand with someone you love as the snow glistens in the street lights as it gently falls on you. hey - and while you are at it please finish it off with a hot cup of coco and a cuddle under a wool blanket.

i have this sneaky suspicion that the next day there would be a whole lot more cheer as people wait for a train to come their way or scrap off the snow that has settled on their cars.

i believe it is extremely important to do things that remind you why you love something. when we start doing something out of routine we seem to loose some passion and all of a sudden we start to forget why we work so hard for something or why it was so important in the first place.

remind yourself why you love the things you love.

a song that inspires a free dance and some polaroids to remind us of a good life.

i found this just as the last warmth was leaving us and i can't help but dancing to it now that there seems to be no warmth in sight.


speaking of warmth -

i keep beginning a book and then having someone recommend another good to begin and so on until i am piled high with just begun books. i have a book lying in my bed - i have a book lying on my couch - i have a book on the sink in my bathroom - i have one on my kitchen table and i have one leaning on a candle on the table in the dining room. i feel like im in a middle of five affairs and that can't bare to end. tonights goal is to commit to one book and give it the focus and quality time it deserves until i turn to its last page and can figure out who to pass it on too.

i don't know why we choose to live here but it seems to be the questions of the day with all this snow.


my cat sits on my shoulder like a parrot. there are times when he will get real tired and lie down up there. he will stretch himself fully around the back of my neck and keep me warm in this winter wonderland. i have not had that heart to tell him that he comes from the feline race and the perching on ones shoulder may not be as endearing to all the house guest. call me an enabler if you must.

getting to know my apartment again.

i have had this thought that has been developing for a while now but i don't know how to say it out loud yet. i know it's a truth that i hold dear. i know what it is when i experince it. i know what it feels like. i know when im around people who have the same ideal of this thought - who believe in this thought and strive for it. but i can't put it into words yet.

it has to do with truth. genuineness. peacefulness. growth. beauty. strength. community.

i long for a slower life but i don't allow myself to have one. tonight is a vary rare night of being home. i filled it with really good music. some reading time. organizing photos of late. major cuddling with emerson. and a little raw dinner with not so raw wine to follow (wink)

at one point i was in a middle of a dance from the kitchen to my bedroom and i had to just say out loud that "i am so happy to be home right now."

christmas break is coming so soon and i just can't wait. i want to say i have plans for something over the break but honestly i don't want to put anything on my plate and just see what life brings.

school this week is great. today we spent most of the day finishing the books the kids are writing and working on our dance for christmas assembly. dancing and writing - who can argue with that.

here are some things i love greatly that i have just found while i was organizing.

directions to one of my most favorite people.



time in my kitchen.


my nighttime view.



sweet


sweet


emerson


our little ones doing their part in the christmas program





my apartment has the old radiators. i love waking up to foggy windows in the morning because the steam is coming make all things alright.

oh me. im here. always have been.

i wanted to walk home yesterday. i wanted a stroll. nothing fast - slow methodical walking - just me and my thoughts.

i have been here all along i have just not been willing to sit and type. journals and journals have been filled and picture after picture has been taking - i just kept them next to my heart instead of sharing.

im ready to share.

i think that i have been extremely still lately. chopin usually wakes up with me in the morning and keeps me quietly content all day long. we write to chopin in class now. the other day mike walked into my class and said he felt like he was in a scene from silence of the lambs. christopher said "no way it's like we are in a coffee shop." little did he know that one day very soon i might just leave them all to start that coffee shop i dream of.

i don't know what to say besides the fact that i think that i am just growing - learning - healing - hurting and then healing agian.

i have these huge moments of joy where i think "dang life is so good and i am so undeserving" to other moments when i think that i need lots of road under my feet and i need to get as far away from life as i know it as possible.

a happy medium is what i am looking for and until then i will try to be extra still to fight the domastic life that has seemed to take over.

oh. and someone gave me a cat...and i hate cats. but i love this cat. it is shocking how much he has become a part of my existence. i am not a cat women but i will talk to mine and cuddle with him like you wouldn't believe and miss him when i have not been home for a while and wonder what he does all day long without me being there to play with him. but i am not a cat women.