...i hope one day you'll join us and the world will live as one

and though most of the world has probably figured this all out already it has just begun to hit me.

i was sitting in the middle of jiffy lube yesterday watching men in suits and ties looking miserable in their much too tight leather shoes. what drives the noose of a tie around their necks was what i couldn't get off my mind. why are people sitting all day long in offices where the world can not be seen and all i could come to is their main goal is money. i want to grab them and tell them that the world is so much bigger than that. that there are lives to change and people to be reach. there is a world to explore and beauty to be taken in. instead we are all sitting in jiffy lube waiting for our $19.99 oil change.

having desks thrown at my on a repeated bases and being told "the hell withchu" has also brought me to perhaps a life changing conclusion...

i have begun to realize that most people in my life circle react out of past hurts. fear drives a person to decided the way that they are going to be mistreated before it even happens. the new questions that i have been driven to ask is "why is this reaction happening and how can i show that there is a better way." my 11 year old student already believes that in life you have to fight or you will die. i told him that by the end of the year im going to make him a lover not a fighter. just a simple goal really. i imagine changing lives by loving but is it a reality when the rest of their lives are drunken moms, missing dads and "survival" being the only thing on their minds. maurices number one responsibility is to protect himself and his family according to the paper he wrote yesterday.

my friend kyle once gave me a book called traveling mercies. in it there was a section that i think about all the time. it said that...

brokenness is life's nature: that lives and hearts get broken - those of people we love, those of people that we will never meet. it said that this world sometimes feels like a waiting room of the emergency ward and that we who are more or less ok for now need to take the tenderness possible care of the more wounded people in the waiting room, until the healer comes.

the world is a funny place when the people we need so desperately are also the ones that cause so much pain. it makes you think about the only one who provides that love that does not defer.

i am addicting to myspace for truly one reason and one reason only - the music you can find is AMAZING. i could spend all day jumping from band page to band page listening.

i really enjoy watching foreign films with ellen erin and nat. i really don't enjoy having to leave the movie before it ends. will those boys ever become a successful chorus?

the love train.

trains are my new favorite mode of transportation - how long to do you think a person could survive just riding the rails? i would like to discover this.

columbus's raping and pillaging of the land = no school for this girl. bike rides and thrift store shopping with a little thai food in the middle seem to make up the day. hurry to the village discount they love columbus and make all color price tags half off.

wisconsin autumns warm my heart - let's see how iowa's compares next weekend.

i want land one day - land where i can wake up make myself a cup of coffee and look out over it as the sun rises.

my friend jason would say

"Sunrise and Sunset are the best hours of light for your body and mind because it is light you can actually ingest by looking at it, into it and it into you, absorbing its remarkable resources thru your pupils. Other times of day the light will just burn your eyeballs out..."

i would say i have a big crush.

wisconsin in the morning awakes my soul.

have i mentioned that i think that erin english really is great and even more i really enjoy the erin/ellen team. they may just change the world one day with a bucket full of love and understanding.

steven bill im sorry that my post have been obnoxiously obscure and ridiculous i think that has just been my life lately - guess it ALL comes out in xangaland. do you know that i miss you guys in an obnoxiously obscure and ridiculous way?

you may say that im a dreamer but im not the only one

farmers market blues

happiness would be the oak park farmers market. i would not want to spend my saturday morning any other way...not even sitting on a beach under the hot sun.

as my bags increase and my arms grow tired from carrying my freshness i can still find the energy to flirt with the good old boys of the world and say thank you for spending your days in the field working harder than most people i know.

largest apples in the world were bought today- that is maybe not a complete fact but they do make a complete meal.

today i was driving with colby and i was telling him how i just would like to get out of here. his comment was "im pretty happy here." it stopped my wandering heart in it's tracks. i think because i want to see it all that i forget that this is a pretty good place too. settling time perhaps.