tonight i write because i miss renee and ellen and i know that when home is relative, seeing the most impersonal post can bring comfort.
tonight i write because the band is playing strong and they remind me of good friends - late night backporch get togethers - and the coolest garage band i have ever known.
tonight i write because there is sweat dripping down my back and only thing i want to do is jump in the lake and float there as i watch the stars.
tonight i write because my legs itch to run...even next to a guy who thinks his shirt belongs tied around his head and who would rather die than stop going forward and i think my arms would be willing to do100 pushups and my heart would be filled with joy as hannah tries to sneak away or get by with just doing 1 when her time comes.
i think i went a little crazy for a little while - crazy would be a simple way of saying that i forgot who i was in this skin of mine. i knew who i was when i was walking next to the ocean. i knew who i was when i lived on an island with one stop light. i knew who i was when there was need all around me and every night was spent investing in others. i got back to the states and i didn't know who i was anymore - i didn't know where i belonged - i didn't know how i fit.
it blew.
the simplest of solutions:
stop
thinking
about
me.
i think that im starting to view this place as somewhere where most people aren't quite sure where they belong - how they fit - who cares for them.
so the crazy idea is...instead of struggling to find out my puzzle piece i think that im going to try to help others find theirs. and along that journey i think joy will be found - joy and most likely a lot of beauty - sprinkled with hope.
i don't know if i have ever said thank you yet. BUT it should be said to those of you that poured love out on me - who took time to understand me...or understand that there might not be any understanding - who took time to tell me stories from their day each night that would make me laugh until my stomach hurt - who made me run when i wanted to lay and listen to music - who made me lay and listen to music when i want to run - who let me come and breath at an organic farm - who insisted that harry potter should not put life on hold - who would go on picture walks with me - who would get excited about well taken pictures - who would let me hide in her place when college staff guys got to over baring - who swam lap after lap with me - who let me be confused - impulsive - contradictory - fearful - noncommittal - untrusting - fickle - hurtful - alone - but let me come back with open arms.
i feel like my life should be very different but what continues to fill it with blessings is these amazing people that continue to invest in me and decide for some reason that is far beyond my comprehension not to give up on me.
